Two old men were visiting in the park one after noon and having just made acquaintance; the normal question is what you do for a living one ask.
Leaning back and looking at the ski like he owned part of it was and was getting ready to sale it. After a moment of silence and deep thought he said.
Well, my great grandmother was a seamstress, my grandmother sewed for a living for forty years. My father was a tailor so staying with family tradition I became a measure upper. Oh, the second man said so you sew as the rest of the family has done for years. Β OH no, Mr.Β (pausing) what is your name anyway? Donβt want to continue not knowing how to address you.
Jones is my name and yours. Β Β My name is Jones also. My first name is Β John, but they call me Jonney. Well, that is a quiescence, if ever there was because my name is John as well and my nickname is Johnny.
Weβd be a strong team, Johnny Jones. Β What name do you go by Johnny? I go by the name of Jonny; Johnny is that unusual to you? No but I find it hard to write to my mother and have to tell her about Johnny, she would think me mixed up. Why? That is the way I write every time. Β Letβs just jump that subject and I will call you βAβ sense you got here first. No Mr. Jones I was not first I was in the store buying pills when I saw you set down so I am not βAβ I have to be βBβ; well, if you arenβt something there is no way on earth I can go by the title of B because I would have to be called B Johnn Jones. But you think it would be alright if they called me B Johnny Jones. Β How about we just go by physical, you are tall and I am short, so βAβ comes first because I thought of it so you again are βBβ. After that I was going to call us by our intelligence but you being short there also still makes you first idiot here. Youβre not too bright either here I am tall and you are short and you want to make me βBβ. That shows you are a seamstress you could not follow a train of thought if it were a rare rabbit running down a Redwood roadbed. If I am tall and you are short, then that is another idiocy if ever there was.
OK Mr. Johnny Jones, I will call you Black and because of your darkness and I am lighter complexion, so I be White Johnny Jones and you are welcome to bring up anything on that subject if you dare. Another thing is that attitude had better be getting better or you will start growing lumps.
OK Mr. Black Johnny Jones the Measure Upper who says he is in the trade of Seamsters and donβt sew what do you do to be known as a Measure Upper in a seamstress shop. Here we go again Mr. White Johnny Jones I did not say I was in a seamstress shop I said I keep to the family tradition and stayed in that business name,Β but I could not run a sewing machine if it had four handles, six peddles and ran on Sundays. I am a Measurer upper. That means I measure up what I am looking at. Right now, you are not measuring up to much Mr. white.
Mr. Black, I have been to Four world fairs, Seventeen State Fairs, fourteen county fairs and fifty-two town fairs and I have never heard of a man who Measures Uppers for a living. Well, if you had someone who could measure up your attitude and teach you some manners you could eventually measure up and amount to something. I have spent my whole life measuring up people and I find more who donβt measure up than those that do measure up. I was considering offering the collage to teach a class on Measuring up. If I do, I will give you a special price to attend. Pardon me Mr. Black but what else could you teach rather than sewing. If I had taught you to measure up to your mothers expectations, I could teach your wife to measure up to your mothers expectations. If I could teach father-in-law that the boy about to be your son-in-law will never measure up to his expectations. In that case I should be paid double.
If you should find this troubling, I would suggest you find a different park bench to set at.
A messenger,
Verl K.
By the way for those readers that were wondering; Jonny has a son named Dick and yes Dick has a small sheep dog called Spot.