Got to tell you about Little Johny. He has his eighth birthday just a few weeks away and his mother ask, “what he would like for your birthday?”
“Well Mom, I have always wanted a pet, all my very own.” Like now I am eight now and that was a long wait.
“You know Johnny,” his mother said, “That having a pet, is not just playing with it when you want to. You have to take care of it, feed, make sure it has water. Provide whatever care that pet needs.”
“Yes mom I have thought of this, and you ask what I want so, I will tell you.” Johnny tells his mom . Make a list and write it down, I will give it to all your friends, and our family, that are coming to dinner on your birthday, and they can decide if they want to bring a pet as a gift for you.”
Tom, Johnnys father looked at the list, later that night and he said I can see his first choice is a guppy, that is a small fish, but he would have to have something to put that fish in. I am not sure, but I think they need salt water. So, you better let those know that it is not a small purchase.
And also on the list is a parrot which Tom looks at and says. “A parrot has to have a cage and most have to be covered at night and then raise the cover and let light in the next day. “Plus,” he says, “he has to change the paper in the cage all the time because if he doesn’t it will start to stink and look terrible.” “Betty,” Tom tells his wife, “make sure everybody knows not to just buy him a parrot, he has to have the cage and things necessary for the parrot.” “OK Tom I will make sure it is written down.”
Looking down the list he sees a cat on the list. “First thing comes to mind when I see this is a house full of cats, in no time at all. Make sure the list shows a Tomcat.” Tom tells Betty. “What’s a Tomcat, Tom? Is this just for you personally Tom or is there something I should know?
“It is a male cat, and the only problem is they are out all the time hunting female cats.”
“Maybe it’s something to do with the name Tom, it took me two years to get you trained.” Betty, Toms wife says. “I will let that pass for now.” Tom says.
The next thing on the list is a dog. “Now that is a normal want for a young boy.” Tom says. “I think I can live with that, regardless of the size or sex. “I will write that down also.” Betty says.
“Now he has an alligator on here, where would a young boy expect to put an alligator?” “I did not make the list your son did you, will have to ask him, why he would want an alligator, and where would he expect to keep it? Not only that what in the world would he expect to feed it? The neighbors dogs?”
“Tom I would not worry about it at this time, the list is so long, and so many things to buy for him, who would ever spend the time, or money, to find an alligator for sale?”
Betty took the list and in every envelope she included Little Johnny’s list. She showed the side notes that told not to buy without the extras, but she never said anything about the alligator knowing it would not be necessary. (I hate it when you get ahead of me on a story)
The list was excepted by all when it was received, as a laugh, and many wanted to know where they would put the alligator if he got one? The story was told so many times and every time it was told it was repeated to another person. The alligator had stolen the show nobody paid any attention to the reality of it, they all pasted the story on, because it was so ridicules that it was humorous.
Little Johnny had been one of those boys that every mother would cherish and love he not only cleaned his room he mowed the lawn took care of all the plants and trees in the yard and did the same thing for all the neighbors and the family included and never had to be reminded or ask.
Everybody loved Johnny, they continually told stores of all he had done in the community. So, the day of the party was almost a city Holliday.
The first to arrive was Mable, Betty’s mom, Johnnys grandmother, who had a parrot in a cage with a cover for it. “What a beautiful bird that is Mable,” Betty told her mom. “Can it say anything?” she ask. “Yes,” Mable says, “It can say almost anything, but he cannot pronounce the “R’s” for some reason.” They come out sounding like a “W’s”, and that is the only reason I got it without hocking my wedding ring.” “Put it right over there by the big window next to the door for now.” Betty tells her mother.
Turning to the look out the door, she is knocked aside, as Aunt Rubby comes in trying to control this big, white German Sheppard puppy, oversized for its age, that has pushed Betty aside while entering. “At six months he is still hard to control Betty, please excuse me, but I was trying to keep him from checking everything out. He has a nose that he insists, that he checks out, all the new smells.”
“That is one gorgeous dog, Betty tells her mom’s sister Aunt Rubby.” “If I had not known these people who raises them, I would never have been able to afford him but sense they were good friends they gave me a deal.” Aunt Rubby says. “ Johnny is going to have a fit of joy when he sees this dog.” Betty says. “For now, why don’t you just tie him on the back porch to keep him out of the way. Don’t turn him loose in the back yard yet until after everyone arrives.”
The doorbell rings and going to the door, Tom sees Hank and Isabella holding a big glass aquarium. Behind them is Frank and Clea with a box full of pumps and things to put into the aquarium. Next in line was Stephany with a bag full of guppies. Oh, Johnny is going to be thrilled when he sees all this. “Hey don’t forget Sarg out there in the parking lot with gallons of water for the fish.” Hank tells Betty.
“Put that right over there under the big mirror, against the wall, that is natural place for it.” Betty says. After setting the aquarium in place in came Frank, he went right to the tank and inserted the pumps and put sand or something in the bottom and put all kinds off little underwater things even a miniature alligator.
Sarg, with the water, came in and filled the tank. After arranging it all, and made sure the water was clear, Stephany put the fish into the bowl, with every eye in the place watching like they had never saw the like of all this.
While setting up the tank Martha a neighbor, comes in, and has a grey Tomcat, that had dark grey rings in its tail, in her hands. Just a small kitten, not to young, it was old enough to jump and run, and oh, so cute that everyone had to hold it and pet it.
“Well, I am certainly happy no one brought an alligator. Betty says.” “Better be quite Betty,” Tom says, “there is a truck out in the driveway backing up.”
“That can not be, tell me you are just joking Tom.” “I better go out and make sure he know where he is,” Tom says.
As Tom gets to the door Uncle Jack comes in with a big smile on his face and says, “Surprise.” If that is an alligator Jack, you will be disowned by the family,” Tom says. “And hung up by the ears to dry,” Betty says.
Every family has a black sheep, and I have a responsibility here being the oldest male in the family. “I got the smallest one they would sale, and it is only six feet long.” Jack says.
“I will give you two hundred dollars to take it back and go get drunk on me.” Tom says. “It would cost more than that for me just to get my money back,” Jack says,” “but I had to guarantee and sign a paper, not to even think about taking in back.”
“Where in the name of Satan would we put that?” Tom says. “For now,” Betty says, “just put it in the guest bathtub for now till we figure out what to do with it.”
“Where is Johnny?” Mable ask Betty. “He wanted to go swimming with all his friends so we bought tickets for the whole group to go together, and they promised to be here at two o’clock so he should be here in about twenty minutes.
“He is certainly going to remember this Birthday Party for a long time” Betty says. “Yes and so am I,” Tom says, “and the answers he will gave when I start to ask all the questions, will be remembered even longer. Like where does he expect to put that alligator? And what does he figure on feeding it? I will have to get another job just to feed all this zoo, we have inherited.”
The excitement got so out of hand Tom had to ask, “Everyone to please calm down, in fifty years no one will remember, and it will all come out in the end.” Every time someone went into look at the Alligator it would splash water all over the room twisting and turning in the bathtub. Of course everyone had to look at least twice, like they had never saw a live alligator before.
When Little Johnny came in the door the first thing he saw was the aquarium and ran over to look at all the fish. He was so excited he was jumping up and down. “Oh, he says I got my fish.” Who gave me the fish?” Jonny ask. Everyone who had brought them, and the things to go into it, came up and said, “Happy Birthday Johnny.” “I have always wanted a fish and now I have a whole tank full I will mow your lawn next week for free for that,” Johnny says.
Aunt Martha comes up to Johnny and hands him the kitten. “Never in my life have I ever saw such a beautiful cat, Aunt Martha, I can’t thank you enough.” Johnny says. I think your mother will enjoy this just as much as you do. Happy Birthday Johnny Martha says, and I think your mother will enjoy this as much as you will.
About this time the door is opened to the patio, and the white German Sheppard dog comes in and sees the cat, and the dog pulls the lease free from Aunt Rubys hand and goes for the cat. As the dog is chasing the cat, Tom yells, “open the bathroom door we can end this yet.”
The dogs chain got wrapped around the bird cage and pulled it over when the parrot stated to “yelling get it spot.” Johnny had not even saw the parrot yet and he got so excited he was not sure rather to try and catch the dog or the parrot which had got out of the cage. “Johnny,” Tom says, “snap out of it you wanted a pet and now you just stand there with your mouth open when the house is being destroyed.”
As the parrot flew over it was saying, “Here kitty, kitty.” The cat was on top of the fridge hissing at the dog who was barking at the cat. The bird landing on the tall lamp in the living room is yelling, “Get em, Spot.”
Jack is standing in front of the bathroom door with his hands out saying, “don’t even try to open this door.” Most of Johnnys friends are laughing, screaming and chasing the parrot around the front room. Aunt Martha is in front of the fridge trying to get the cat to calm down and let her get ahold of it all the while yelling at the cat, “to stop all this.”
Mayble, Ruby and Isabella are all together clapping their hands, laughing and screaming adding to the confusion.
Frank and Clea is pointing and screaming at all the boys chasing the parrot. Stephany has set down and is slapping her knees and laughing way to loud.
Mable is pushing Betty at the fridge trying to get the dog under control while all the time yelling to calm things down. Tom standing in front of the table with the large birthday cake is saying, “Stay away from this table all of you.”
Little Johnny is just standing doing nothing and in total awareness of all the confusion going on. “What a great birthday party this turned out to be.” Johnny says while clapping and laughing.
Just before the parrot landed on the birthday cake Tom reached out and caught it. Well actually the parrot landed on Toms outstretched hand, and he managed to get ahold of the parrot. Betty and Mable was able to get Spot now named by the parrot, under control and to stop barking. The cat sat looking at the dog and all around the area like nothing had happened and was content to just look quietly.
As the noise and confusion slowed to a manageable level things fell into place as all in attendance finally grew quit and just smiles replaced the screaming, clapping and shouts.
Wow Dad Johnny says, “turns out the pets are not as much fun as the friends and family.” About this time the parrot says, “lets have a party”. “And I got a parrot also? Let me hold it Dad.” Johnny says. But before he could reach for the parrot the dog found the boy, and a young love was achieved in a heartbeat.
Watching Johnny pet the dog while the dog licked him all over the face, Tom says, “now we have half a room full of a stable society, I would like to ask Johnny a few questions.
“Just where do you expect to put that alligator, Jonny?” Tom ask, while standing over Johnny looking down and waiting to hear this.
“Well Uncle Gary has a Bobcat, and he has told me that anytime I need anything just to ask him. I kind of wanted to dig a big whole out in the front yard by the big tree and let the alligator lay in the pond or under the tree.”
“You want to dig up the big, beautiful lawn and make a pond for an alligator? Then what will you feed it?” If the fish mate often enough I can feed it the fish.” Johnny says.
“Unless those fish has more stamina than your dad has, the gator will starve,” Betty says.
“Please remember that your son is only eight years old he should not be hearing these things.” Tom says.
“Has it been that long?” Betty ask. “What are you going to do with an alligator son?” Tom asks.
“Well, I could cut its tail off and take him for walks with Spot.” Johny says. “Why would you even think of that son?”
“No body would mess with a guy that had a German Sheppard, and a pet alligator would they?”
“Betty I think some of you DNA has passed through to him.” Tom says. “What will you feed him?” Tom ask. “Well dad when we get the chickens I can feed him as they grow older.
“Now he wants chickens and then we have to add a chicken coup and a place for them to run.” Tom adds to the subject. “I told you that we had to get that boy out of public schools, look what he has turned out to be.” He says while still holding a straight face trying to cover the laugh lines forming in the corner of his mouth.
Jack the man of the hour, offers a solution to the whole problem the family is facing. “We can feed the fish to the cat, the parrot to the cat, the cat to the dog and the dog to the alligator.” Jack says.
“Then what will we do with the alligator?” Betty ask. That’s easy we sale advertisement to all those with pets, that we have a soliton to solve all those that have pets, and don’t know what to do with them.
So, the moral of the story is all those women who have a problem with men short on stamin. Men who have a problem with to many pets and tired of the noise. Or those who need a surprise in life, either buy an alligator or get a boy.
A Messenger,
Verl K.
